"It took 6 months of talking to you all day, all night... changing cell phone plans as to not go over minutes & adding unlimited text and aim... to say I love you. I've loved you for the last two years and four months; & it took 9 of those long months for you to abuse me; use me; and lose me. & I still loved you... with every bruise and nonchalant smart comment. Out of 853 days I felt beautiful twice, the 2 times you said it. I cried 94 times; and that's more than I've ever cried in my life. March 03 awaits me; my demise month. The death anniversary 0310, and birth of our relationship 0309-- one day apart. I lived 146 miles from you & made 3 hour long trips on 2 different trains to see you weekly. I moved. That way you were only a roll over of space away on the same bed as me. & I could feel you in my dreams and wake up to you, feeling you still holding me. I loved you. Loved you like id hold you even when the weight of your body on my arm caused tingling sensations. Loved you like you're my heart. Loved you like my baby-- treating you as such. Caring for you, protecting you. Loved you. It only takes 3 seconds for me to miss you & 5 seconds for tears to form & 10 seconds for me to roll over and not see you next to me. It takes 22 hour long days to exhaust me into nightmare filled sleep. & it only takes 1 nightmare to spoke my entire existence. You aren't an X, you're a Y... a ghost of mine. A skeleton I buried 12 feet under my closet just to keep you concealed yet at night none of that seems to barricade my heart from my mind and 8,675,856 memories race. I loved you. Even after you left me. You left me. I should've left you. You cheated, and lied. I stayed. You left. Left me then kept me, under your index finger applying pressure crushing me like an ant. You wanted to try. I wanted you. Lets make it work. 2 days later you were on the phone with her, a freshly turned 18 year old, til sleep... I paid your phone bill every month. She's a dancer. She was driving 1500 miles to texas and you said she was just a friend so you kept her company. She spent the night when she got back 5 times. You spent 1 holiday with her while I was alone. Then told me you missed me, I loved you. I sat with you through countless emergency room visits for health complications. I spent 5 nights with you that next week caressed by your love. Two weeks later a 27 year old with a 5 year old child. 3 days later we fought. 7 days later you show up at my door, make love to me then leave. I loved you. I went through the same story with the next 6 of the girls you dated, and all 5 of their children. Giving you 20 dollar allowances to take them on cheap dates. Taking you shopping because you needed summer fall and winter clothes. There were 4 times I rolled up on you & one of them outfits from those.. Seasonal spending spree's.. Every time you lied, I cried, then you put your hands on me to silence my tears. Numb to the stinging sensation and deaf to the cold words. You broke my heart the 1 time... you left me. I loved you. Empty with no love left for myself. Hoping your love wasn't on E, just running low... you never loved me. But I loved you though. They say it takes you twice as long to forgive and move on than to forget and these 8,675,856 memories of we are unforgettable so I suppose ill spend the next 1706 days trying to forgive you. I loved you."

- H.K.A.D (02.11.10)