maybe it's me. .

i've loved. .
and i've lost. .
every single fucking time . at this point i can't help but to look at myself asking "maybe it's me". . and that could be the reason we, didn't work out. see the same line keeps playing in my head and i can't seem to erase it from my brain, "I thought that maybe she was the one that I needed to be with" as I looked at you as if you were insane . my eyes wanted to rain, pour out spouts of emotions because all this time i thought you felt the same . . as me. caught up in a whirlwind of emotions i could do nothing more than down this alcoholic drink because  liqour is my remedy. tried to put two and two together asking how i pushed you into the arms of the one you left for me. what did i miss, what didn't I see? was it the constant arguing that made you look that way? was it the lack of affection that made you not want to stay? was it the constant pressure of my desires getting in the way? or did you just roll over and wake up one day ... on some epiphany type shit. and what I really wanted to tell you while i sat there was "bitch, suck my dick" .. loving me but bouncing back so quick. I can't believe it, nor do i see it, that it being you, the same. all i can keep thinking about is this game that has been played, with me being the losing pawn. separating myself from you means moving on . but it's hard to move when your feet feel like tons are attached, when it feels like you have weights on your back and in all honesty, i just want my heart back!